Omakes
by Insertnameheretwentytimes
Summary: This is just a collection of small stories that I come up with or inspired by some other things.


**The Many Definitions of Sima**

**Sima-A Chinese surname which literally means "control horses."**

**Sima- A position in the Han government that is equivalent to to what others consider a major or marshal.**

**sima- the lower part of Earth's crust. It is the combined words of silicate and magnesium.**

**Sima- a feminine name in India.**

**SIMA- A shipbuilding company in Peru.**

**SIMA- Short for Social Impact Media Awards.**

**Sima's Undergarments- a book that has no relation to Sima Yi but could be depending on how you look at it. (This is a real book.)**

**Seriously, type just "sima" into the search bar and you find a million results on it that is no way related to Sima Yi but could.**

**Sima Yi stares at the whiteboard that had all of these definitions of his name with a twitching eye."**

**"...I'm am not sure whether or not to be embarrassed..."**

**Next-generation Boobs**

**Gan Ning comments, "Next-generation and I still don't get my nipples." Ling Tong comments, "Who cares about nipples? Look at that." He points at Lian Shi and the camera pans slowly upward to her chest.**

**"Whoa... It looks like I can actually go and touch them..."**

**"I suggest don't, but you can look. Or you'll get your head on a spike."**

**"But they're calling to me..." He walks in the direction of Lian Shi.**

**"Hey, your clothes look so shiny..."**

**Few hours later...**

**Gan Ning's head is on a spike and Ling Tong tells it, "I told you so."**

**"Shut up."**

**"Ah!"**

**Look behind you!**

**Guan Yu and Guan Ping were tied up and were kneeling in front of Lu Meng.**

**"Got you two, got any last words?" A shadow appears behind Lu Meng to reveal it's Zhang He looking at him with a wink and sparkles.**

**Guan Yu and Guan Ping had extremely scared faces.**

**"RUN AWAY!"**

**Great Minds Do Think Alike**

**Sima Yi has a computer in his hands.**

**"Last time the perverted director gave me _this,_ I destroyed it. Why did he give me another one?" A voice echos from a side, "Just use it! It's good when you stay away from the yaoi!"**

**_"_What's yaoy_?" _He sighs and turns it on.**

**"Fine, what can I look for?"**

**"Just not yourself unless you want to be spammed with Cao Pi/you porn."**

**At Shu, Zhuge Liang gets a computer as well.**

**"Ugh, not this _thing._ Again." A voice echos from above him.**

**"Search up women if you don't want gay porn."**

**"The Heavens have gave me a message themselves! I shall do what they say." He turns it on.**

**A split-screen appears with the two looking through the computer on either side.**

**They coincidentally say the same things,****"Fine. I'll search up my wife." A few taps and a click has them both looking at their screens closely.**

**"My wife is with that Shu woman."**

**"My wife is with that Wei/Jin woman."**

**"Are they committing treason?" They both click the same link and their eyes slightly go wide.**

**"She's cheating on me-" Their eyes go even wider. Then their noses spill gallons of red and they begin to tap random buttons on the computer.**

**"IS THERE A SAVE BUTTON?! OR IS IT CALLED KEEP?! SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!" **

**Weird Relation**

**Sima Shi sits at a table with Cai Wenji. A deep silence fills the room. Sima Shi then breaks it by saying, "I married your niece."**

**"Oh."**

**"You also have my mother's face."**

**"What?"**

**Irony**

**Sima Yi and Zhuge Dan stand side-by-side. **

**"Wow, a Zhuge working for my family. Never thought would happen."**

**"My daughter married your son."**

**"Another thing I never thought would happen..." He rubs his temple. "Ugh, this is going to fuel the grueling fanfiction between Zhuge Liang and I..."**

**"And the ones with Sima Zhao and I as well..."**

**Deja vu  
**

**Sima Yi, Sima Shi and Sima Zhao all stand in front of Sun Jian, Sun Ce, and Sun Quan. They looks at each other closely and all say, "Something about you reminds me of something..."**

**Blinking arrows appear over Sima Yi and Sun Jian.**

**Founders of kingdom they're in**

**Arrows appear over Sima Shi and Sun Ce.**

**The heirs that died young by arrow in-game.**

**The last set of arrows appear over Sima Zhao and Sun Quan.**

**Younger sibling that took over for dead older sibling**

**They all act confused and turned away from each other while putting their hands on their chins. They all say the same thing at the same time.**

**"I just can't put my finger on who is it you remind me off..." The camera zooms out to have Sun Shang Xiang and Zhang Chunhua looking at their direction. Arrows point above them: Only female member in family related by blood**

**Angry Super Mario**

**Sima Zhao stares at the upper part of Sima Yi's robes. **

**"Hey... Have you noticed that that part of your robes looks like an angry Italian guy?" Sima Yi gives him a "WTF" face.**

**"What?"**

**"Look, that part on your chest looks like an angry Super Mario." Sima Yi pulls his robe so he can see the chest area of his robes. **

**"I don't see it."**

**"There's another thing. That looks like you have a nipple armor plate."**

**"...Your first thought was a little better..."**

**That's Raaaacist!**

**Xiahou Yuan, Dian Wei, and Xiahou Dun stand as they watch Xu Chu eat mountains of food.**

**"I have noticed something, Xu Chu's always talking about growing crops. But he's just eating meat and corn. He's not even eating rice. And why aren't we shown eating rice? The people always talk about growing grains, but we don't see them eat the grains." **

**Dian Wei and Xiahou Dun yells at the top of their lungs into Xiahou Yuan's ear, "Because it's raaaciiiist!" **

**"AH! Samurai Warriors got to have a giant tub of rice for a health item! For us, it's all about the baozi! We eat rice too! I think that's racist!"**

**Yo Mama is So...**

**Sima Zhao tells Zhong Hui, "Yo, mama is so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!" The soldiers around the camp all oohed. **

**Zhong Hui smirks, "You want to play that game? Okay, I can do that. Yo' mama is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died!" Everyone gasped and Deng Ai said in a stereotypical black guy voice, "That's messed up." Sima Zhao glares at Zhong Hui and says out, "Why don't you tell that to my mother's face?"**

**"Hey! You started it!" A figure appears behind Zhong Hui with glowing eyes. **

**"What was that you about me? Say it again."**

**"AAAAAAAH! Dammit, Sima Zhao! It's not fair since your mother actually is here!" A few thuds and pows are heard as he yells out.**

**Ideas**

**Cao Pi slaps down hard on a table. "Alright, I need to project myself more. What should I do to myself?" Jia Xu suggests, "Be a total douchebag!" Zhen Ji says out, "Be even more monotoned!" Sima Yi sits with his head on his hand. "How about you having an actual personality?" **

**Cao Pi gives him a kind-of-looking-like-he's-constipated angry stare. The next shot is Sima Yi flying out of the window. **

**Koei Ideas**

**A Koei executive slaps down on the table. "Alright, what do we need to do to improve the DW series?" A guy yells out, "More revealing outfits of women!" A woman yells out, "More pretty unnecessary fanservice characters!" A man with his head on his hand says, "How about historical accuracy?" The Koei executive gives him an angry stare and the next shot is the man flying out the window.**

**That's Not the Predator You're Looking For...**

**Sima Yi walks up some stairs. He goes into the building to meet a 13 year-old Zhang Chunhua. **

**"So, I'm marrying you."**

**"Yes."**

**"Nrrgh... I'm going to have to wait, huh?"**

**"What? You expecting something?"**

**"No, no." A man walks up to him.**

**"How do you like the decorations?"**

**"Who are you?"**

**"I'm Chris Hansen, and you're on To Catch a Predator." **

**"Who and what?**

**"Why don't you have a seat right over there?"**

**"What's going on?"**

**"Don't worry, miss, we got this. Did he do anything obscene to you?"**

**"No!"**

**"Did he force you to marry him?"**

**"No! I was supposed to marry him by arrang-"**

**"He might it was arranged just to trick you. But don't worry, he's going away for a long time." Sima Yi doesn't sit and the man turns to him.**

**"You're resisting. Take him away." A group of police dog-pile Sima Yi. **

**"Ah! What are you-" Two police officers handcuff him. **

**"You're going away for a very long time, you pervert!"**

**"I am not a pervert! It's just an arranged marriage!" Chris Hansen goes up to Zhang Chunhua.**

**"He won't hurt you anymore."**

**"He wasn't doing anything!"**

**"Oh no, did he guilt you into feeling sorry?" He then turns to the camera. "I'm Chris Hansen, and this was To Catch a Predator."**

**Now THAT'S the Predator You're Looking For**

**Cao Cao runs up stairs happily to meet the two Qiaos. **

**"I see you dumped those two as your husbands. So, are we...?"**

**"Yes, we no longer want anything to do with them anymore!"**

**"I hate them now!"**

**"Now, now, I'm here to make it all better! I have condoms! Ah, screw them! We're going commando!" A man walks in front of him.**

**"Lovely these two, huh?"**

**"Yes, and I now have them!" **

**"Why don't you have a seat over here?" Cao Cao goes to sit and the man says, "I'm Chris Hansen, and you're on To Catch a Predator."**

**"Huh?"**

**"Take him." The Qiaos go and taunt Cao Cao, "This was a traaap!"**

**"What?!" Police go behind Cao Cao and handcuff drag him away.**

**"AHHHHH! Damn you!" He gets thrown into the cop car and he bumps shoulders with Sima Yi.**

**"How did you get here?"**

**"Marrying 13 year-olds is illegal to these men even though it was arranged. They think I'm a perv... I see you fell for the trap."**

**"Shut up."**

**You've Got It Better**

**Sima Yi sits in a table that Jia Chong was also sitting in. **

**"Guo Huai, I see you're healthy now-"**

**"I'm not Guo Huai."**

**"Oh. Ah, yes. You work for Zhao." **

**"I have just heard some yelling and I see a bruise on your forehead. Something wrong with the lady?" **

**"None of your business. You wouldn't really understand since you're not married."**

**"Oh, I am. She's... well... not stable..."**

**"That basically describes my wife."**

**"What did she do?"**

**"She killed my maid."**

**"My wife killed my wet nurse. Two of them. And my two sons because of the stress of the nurses' death." **

**"My wife killed the maid because she saw I was healthy when I was supposed to be faking it."**

**"Mine killed the nurses because she thought I was cheating on her."**

**"...You win in the crazy wife contest. I should be grateful about my life now..."**


End file.
